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I’m flying back to Pittsburgh tonight which is just another text post completely that consists entirely of my disbelief and anxiety and excitement and all that great stuff.  

But tonight is my last day in my house because it was recently foreclosed on.

We moved here when I was barely breaking into middle school and I’m leaving it in my fourth year of college.  We arrived with four and it’s being abandoned by two and I’m having a really hard time with this entire thing.  Everything I look at is potentially the last time I’ll ever see it so I don’t even want to look at anything anymore but that’s impractical so I just look at every goddamn corner and every light and every odd bit of architecture and I can think of a thousand stories that happened at that spot right there and it becomes more and more real that it’s being taken away from me.

The majority of my life has happened here.  So much has happened and the thing that made all of this happen is the thing that tore us apart.  Tonight is the last night and tomorrow morning is the last morning and every other minute in between is the last minute.  

I just never thought this could happen and now that it has it’s managed to erase all confidence I ever had in the belief that we’d always get through.  We don’t even exist anymore. It’ll all just become a thing that happened and the details will begin to fade because that’s just what they do.

I don’t want this. I know why it’s happening and I know it’s not the end of the goddamn world and I know it’s not even a unique situation at all but I still don’t want it to happen in any sense of the word.

Just.

Today’s going to be really hard I think. I’m only two and a half hours into it and I’m already crying.  Go team.